Mmm, donut frosting. Always lick the crusty white stuff on your t-shirt.
For a while there were about 4 girls from my graduating class of 56 dating MMA fighters
Right? Clearly we’re messing up by dating some regular schmos
Guys are only attractive if their noses have been broken at least once
The poop is super cute on my iPhone
You were driving the struggle bus off a cliff yesterday.
Four tablespoons of water? That sounds like a pain in the ass.
That’s a new one.
A new what?
You laugh like a zebra.
*weird beep noise from Jared*
What was that sound?
That’s the sound of a botched snap.
Jared, what if that car fell off that truck’s trailer?
That’s it. It would fall off.
Jared, aren’t you excited to see the chinchillas run through this new tube I got for them?
I don’t think they will.
Isn’t it pretty good?!
It’s pretty alright.
See, you know more about football than you know.
P.S. He is wrong. My fantasy team is officially 0-7-1.